Friday, August 27, 2010

My Trip to Shanghai

So there were two things I did not get the opportunity to blog about while I was still in China and they both had to do with the trip I took to Shanghai the weekend of the F1 Grand Prix. One had to do with the hotel I was staying at.  The hotel was nice, a short distance from downtown Pudong in Shanghai... but what made this hotel so fun to stay at was the fact that it was made for sex.

Let me explain. So when you first step through the door and put your room key in the dock that turns the lights on you see the bathroom. The sink is covered in marble and strong enough to rest even the heaviest of butts on. The walk-in shower has room for at least four people with multiple shower heads. It's a shower made for an orgy, so have fun kids. Then there's the bedroom... There are two queen size beds. You break one and you have another for spare. Then there's the lighting. Near one of the beds there is a circular knob which controls the lighting in the ceiling. With all other lights off you can adjust it to the desired mood lighting effect you're looking to achieve. Then there's the nightstand. The nightstand contained all of your sexual pleasure needs, all at a reasonable price.

  1. Pre/Post Coitus His and Her personal wipes for freshening up... How considerate.
  2. (Unoffically endorsed) J-LO condoms... 2 per pack
  3. Vibrator you slip on your finger like a Legion of Superheroes ring, with condom. For the ladies, or the adventurous male hotel guest. (It's funny that the package misspelled vibrator...)
Then theres the perfectly balanced desk and a small stool-thingy which I guess is designed for rested your shoes on.

And the second thing had to do with the toilet. The Shanghai World Financial Center build is the Guinness World Record holder for the world's highest observatory at the 101st floor. On the 93 floor is the bar and restaurant of the Park Hyatt hotel. They have amazing fresh fish and prepared gourmet dining choices. The bar also serves fancy expensive drinks, like the Bloodless Mary martini (bloodless because it has clear tomato juice.) But the best thing about the hotel are the bathrooms...

You make your way through this darkly lit corridor  to the alcove where a doorman gets you with smiles and hot towels. You can sidle up to one of the stalls or go into your own private room toilet with a spotlight on the toilet. This toilet is the king of all toilets... let's run down the features (yes, the toilet has features like a laptop)

  • Heated seat cushion that warms you butt just to the point of burning the hairs off, but hot enough to relax the pipes. After you lift off the seat a lid covers the seat and hot steam cleans the seat.
  • The seat comes with a console next to the toilet paper rack that controls the built-in bidet that can be adjusted to hit you dead center... There is also a front-washing feature that gives you a different angle for clean up. Also, depending on your kinkiness there the bidets have oscillating and pulsating action buttons. and when your down the machine can even blow-dry your nethers.
The toilet is like mana from heaven... It's the throne of the gods... more hotels should have those in there rooms; sure beats the quarter a minute Magic Fingers.

oh the fun you can get into in Shanghai.

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