Friday, March 19, 2010

The Long Hello

Greetings all… It’s been 2 weeks since I returned to China, right time for an update. I had a rocky few day after getting back… jetlag and such. My shoulder felt like it was going to fall off on the flight over… For those of you with kiddie joints I’ll describe the feeling. Imagine broken glass grinding between your knuckles or scrapeing your arm with really course sandpaper… it’s like that, except five times for painful. And sitting in an economy seat for a guy as broad and tall as me is it’s own brand of cruel torture. I’d take torture in the Comfy Chair over that any day.

On a surprising and happy note, I got paid my salary for the months of January and February the week I arrived. I felt odd taking what was in essence free money, but hey… You shut up and smile when you’re handed 10G’s in any currency… I had no idea what a stack of 10,000 yuan looks like… It looks just like 10,000 dollars. Do you know the sound ten thousand skins makes? It makes a thud! Trees fall in the forest and depending on your philosophical mindset, they make no sound; this makes the sexiest thud in all of creation.

So now for the cringeworthy part. Walking to work I walked past what was clearly human shit. I didn’t stop to inspect the poo, but no dog no matter how big could produce that much crap in one sitting. It made me think of terrible college shenanigans like showing friends 2 Girls 1 Cup or Tubgirl. Here’s what bothered me… Who was so desperate for a number 2 that they have to drop trou on a well-lit sidewalk and do their business where enquiring minds could see… and another thing why is it that when someone takes a crap in anything other than a western toilet it comes out in the consistency of TCBY frozen yogurt ? All crap is disgusting, but some reason I get the feeling that logs would not inspire dry heaving nearly as much.  Don’t get me started on squatter toilets.

Disgusting bodily functions aside, work has been pretty good except for the past few days. I’ve been dealing with a migraine headache that’s  been coming and going in wave. I don’t get them very often and when they come on they stay for days at a time. So I’ve been showing my classes movies for our 2-hour sessions. Which leads me into a new feature where I list the Chinese bootleg DVD I get each week, which I affectionately call Suburb Pat’s Clandestine DVD Picksups of the Week.


  • West Wing The Complete Series on 14 discs
  • Sherlock Holmes
  • L4yer Cake
  • Gran Torino
  • Gone Baby Gone
  • Boondock Saints 2
  • 2012
  • Legion
  • Michael Clayton
  • Two recent Chinese releases: The Treasure Hunter 刺陵, and Storm Warriors 风云II (Maybe I’ll review them once I’ve watched them.)

Tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow for you on the left hemisphere is my birthday, wee. I’m on a mission tomorrow to find a cake and birthday candles… And not get wet; my birthday falls on the first day of spring and it invariably rains on my birthday.

So what’s the deal with the first day of the NCAA tourney… Major upsets, and Butler moving on (I’m calling Butler going to the Elite 8.)

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