Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Clandestine DVD Pickups of the Week

I went out the day of my birthday [I fully enjoyed my birthday, the last prime number birthday I'll have til I'm 29,] so I could get some nibbles and a lighter to light my stove-top burner and I grabbed a couple of DVDs at my corner Chinese-Bodega...
  • The Informant!
  • The Hurt Locker
  • Halo Legends
  • Ninja Assassin
I also bought what I thought was the complete series of Arrested Development but it turned out that it was only about have of the discs inside... So my comedic enjoyment was arrested... (rimshot)

I got myself an iPod Touch for my birthday... quite a gift for myself if I say so, myself. 

Friday, March 19, 2010

The Long Hello

Greetings all… It’s been 2 weeks since I returned to China, right time for an update. I had a rocky few day after getting back… jetlag and such. My shoulder felt like it was going to fall off on the flight over… For those of you with kiddie joints I’ll describe the feeling. Imagine broken glass grinding between your knuckles or scrapeing your arm with really course sandpaper… it’s like that, except five times for painful. And sitting in an economy seat for a guy as broad and tall as me is it’s own brand of cruel torture. I’d take torture in the Comfy Chair over that any day.

On a surprising and happy note, I got paid my salary for the months of January and February the week I arrived. I felt odd taking what was in essence free money, but hey… You shut up and smile when you’re handed 10G’s in any currency… I had no idea what a stack of 10,000 yuan looks like… It looks just like 10,000 dollars. Do you know the sound ten thousand skins makes? It makes a thud! Trees fall in the forest and depending on your philosophical mindset, they make no sound; this makes the sexiest thud in all of creation.

So now for the cringeworthy part. Walking to work I walked past what was clearly human shit. I didn’t stop to inspect the poo, but no dog no matter how big could produce that much crap in one sitting. It made me think of terrible college shenanigans like showing friends 2 Girls 1 Cup or Tubgirl. Here’s what bothered me… Who was so desperate for a number 2 that they have to drop trou on a well-lit sidewalk and do their business where enquiring minds could see… and another thing why is it that when someone takes a crap in anything other than a western toilet it comes out in the consistency of TCBY frozen yogurt ? All crap is disgusting, but some reason I get the feeling that logs would not inspire dry heaving nearly as much.  Don’t get me started on squatter toilets.

Disgusting bodily functions aside, work has been pretty good except for the past few days. I’ve been dealing with a migraine headache that’s  been coming and going in wave. I don’t get them very often and when they come on they stay for days at a time. So I’ve been showing my classes movies for our 2-hour sessions. Which leads me into a new feature where I list the Chinese bootleg DVD I get each week, which I affectionately call Suburb Pat’s Clandestine DVD Picksups of the Week.


  • West Wing The Complete Series on 14 discs
  • Sherlock Holmes
  • L4yer Cake
  • Gran Torino
  • Gone Baby Gone
  • Boondock Saints 2
  • 2012
  • Legion
  • Michael Clayton
  • Two recent Chinese releases: The Treasure Hunter 刺陵, and Storm Warriors 风云II (Maybe I’ll review them once I’ve watched them.)

Tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow for you on the left hemisphere is my birthday, wee. I’m on a mission tomorrow to find a cake and birthday candles… And not get wet; my birthday falls on the first day of spring and it invariably rains on my birthday.

So what’s the deal with the first day of the NCAA tourney… Major upsets, and Butler moving on (I’m calling Butler going to the Elite 8.)

Friday, March 5, 2010

Happy Trails, Hans


So here we are again, once again, time and time again, I'm leaving for China tomorrow. I've soaked up as much M'erica in the past month and a half as I could. It was great seeing friends and family again. I took a roadie up to Chicago with my friend @Ewzzy on Wednesday to get a new visa at the Chinese Consulate; a trip that ended up being a complete waste of our time, but fun none the less. It's those sorts of days, those interactions with friends that you lack when you uproot and go someplace for a long time... Doesn't matter where you go. I was going to be funny and entertaining, spout some fun China knowledge on you but it doesn't feel like the right thing for me to do. I'm going to be simple...

Here's a simple Blessing for you and yours:

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.


I didn't realize this was my 201st post... Hey, sometimes it comes with a bang, other times with a whimper.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Thursday Youtube Theatre Special Report



In a time when music videos are made and rarely seen anymore, with stations like MTV and VHI only showing them in the early morning, it is rare when a very amazing music video comes around... well here's on. OK GO, or the guys on the treadmills for the less informed, have released a rube goldberg music video of their song "This Too Shall Pass." Enjoy it while it lasts.


The phrase This Too Shall Pass basically means everything is temporary; no matter how positive or negative, it will always pass away.

I Smell Oscar

I'd love to do all of my Oscar picks again this year, but seeing as I will not be in the states to watch the oscars I thought that before I leave you I will give you a fun little pre-Oscar treat courtesy of Cracked.com. Cracked came up with a graph of what criteria you should meet if you want to get an Oscar Nomination (my favorite is Misty Blues.) Also on cracked is how to win an Oscar (link here)


One of my favorite Oscar Pictures is this one... From Cracked.com Winners of the 81st Academy Awards, weighted - by wins and how much we gave a shit.


If I had to make a darkhorse pick for Best Picture and Director it would have to be Ingloriuous Basterds. Christoph Waltz is a lock for supporting actor... And don't get me started on Abidar(AVATAR)