Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Hey Jenna Jameson, What...happened?


For my 99th posting I feel obliged to address an alarming thing for all guy across the country and world for that matter. Something so alarmingly bad, it has fallen under the EPIC FAIL category. Now, I have no doubts that the idiom road hard and put away wet applies to quite a few pornstars, but none as bad as the millionaire Jenna Jameson. She announced recently that she would be leaving porn...not fucking on camera, she still has a company to run. Since that announcement she has had, well, what can only be described as a couple of...modifications. I'm sure what attracted men and teens and preteens to Jenna Jameson where her lips eyes and lustrous blonde hair. Oh, what the hell, we all know you came for the titties. Well, boyos, she decided to cut them out...(tears of sadness)
Where does the bombshell go from there...collagen implants to give her luscious lips and what I guess was a botched rhinoplasty and chemical peel. I say this because many of the pictures of her now make her look like a fucking Michael Jackson clone. I'm sorry but the vienna sausage lip look does not look good if they aren't naturally plump. Jessica Simpson realized that she looked fucking retarded and got them removed...Well, I guess I shouldn't pass judgment. Who am I kidding. TITO ORTIZ, DO NOT CONTINUE TO FUCK HER, SHE LOOKS LIKE A ANIMAL TEST SUBJECT WHO HAD A BAD REACTION TO THE SHITTY MAKEUP SHE TESTED...PUT THE DICK DOWN!!! Just in case you needed a visual aid, for an explanation, I provided one...enjoy, while you have the stomach to.




Did I mention she's only 33?

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Hey Slick Willy, Why don't you go sleep it off



You know, this is the moment where I would make some witty editorial comment insulting the former prez, but I like Bill Clinton. TO THE "NEWS MEDIA," LEAVE BILL CLINTON ALONE...HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO ANYBODY...except Monica Lewinski...Is sleeping in public a crime? No, let the 61 year old heart-attack survivor catch a few Z's and stop your belly aching.

My Weekend Crush

Leave it to Uwe Boll to complete ruin the career of a hot woman and destroy a video game franchise with one clusterfuck of a movie called In The Name of the King. Star power like The Transporter's Jason Statham could not save the Dungeon Siege movie from being one festering pile of shit on top of the other excrement that director Uwe Boll has created. He killed Bloodrayne with it's terrible departure from the video games kickass plot, suck the blood out of Nazis and shred them to pieces with huge blades. He's promised to kill the Postal video game and most recently is in post-production on a Far Cry movie adaptation.

Now onto my crush... I can barely remember some of the movies that Leelee Sobieski has been in since I saw her in Deep Impact. She was cute and was distinguished because of her look...i.e. her nose (which I love by the way) and her height. So when I saw that she was in Uwe Boll's assfuck I took notice and went to Google Images. Goddamn she got hot...considerably. I clicked on one thumbnail and fell out of my chair... seriously, thankfully my thick mane of lustrous hair protected my brain and allowed me to offer upon you this gift of Leelee Sobieski. I challenge all gentlemen (and maybe some of the ladies?) not to swear when you look at her pics...I swore a stream of potty mouthed obscenities when I saw a 'revealing' picture of her...christ, have I been missing 0ut. (Be on the lookout for Tricia Helfer in one of the pics...apparently they were in a movie where Leelee has to become a dominatrix...brilliance, sheer brilliance.) Enjoy





Interesting bit of trivia, Leelee Sobieski was nominated for an Wmmy when she played Joan of Arc in a television mini-series about the saint in 1999. Milla Jovovich also play Joan d'Arc in a theatrical movie called The Messenger which also came out in 1999. Leelee's performance was the better portrayal, Milla was just batshit crazy (doesn't mean she wasn't also great, cause she was.)

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Wag of the Finger: Michael Ryan

This is for any of the comic book nerds out there who are big BKV (Brian K. Vaughan) fans. When I got seriously into comics around 2003 I started by reading Y: The Last Man and then was introduced to The Runaways. I wasn't into Vertigo comics prior to this time...I have an extensive collection of Superman comics (include signed copies of all four Return of Supermen issue mint, and both the Death of Superman and Superman Lives packaged issues, unopened.) I was already a Joss Whedon fan because of Buffy, Angel and Firefly, but when he wrote about how much he loved BKV's work on Runaways it peaked my intrest. I have read every issue, and it has become my favorite comic.



When BKV announced that he would be leaving the comic and that Joss Whedon would take over for a 6-issue arc I was both dissapointed and excited. BKV's reign ended in February of 2007 and in April the new era began. Now, if an issue normally would come out on a monthly basis it would compute that given a one month grace period between writers and pencilers that the next creative team would have taken over by November. Well fast forward to January of 2008, so far we have only gotten through four of the six promised issues and the next issue isn't hitting stores till February.
Why? I could be because Joss is hard at work on Astonishing X-Men and his own baby in comic form, Buffy Season 8, not to mention his new series Dollhouse and consulting on the comic book continuation of his show Angel...and he may be stretched too thin to finish his work on Runaways. But, I highly doubt it's his fault, I wouldn't think the strongest advocate for a product would willingly drive it into obscurity. BKV put the future of Runaways in Joss' hands...almost like when a friend asks to borrow something and you demand they guard it with their life because of it's sentimental value.
I for one blame the pencilier Michael Ryan...it's become a trend that he becomes bogged down after completing a few issues of a comic book and then they become delay and defunct. It's almost like Dr. Dre's long awaited Detox(Dretox) album or the now infamously delays Guns N Roses album, Chinese Democracy. Every time I go somewhere with comics I hear someone complain about there not being a Runaways issue...here's hoping the final two issues of the arc are good when they come out...I hope we don't have to wait for this like we've had to wait for the Ulitmate Wolverine vs Hulk third issue.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Give Me One Reason: Josh Brolin


For any of you who got to see No Country For Old Men you were witnesses to an uncommon treat. Quite possibly one of the best dramas I've seen in my 20 years of living (sounds short, but I watch far too much television and movies that it has made my grades decline because I'd rather be watching a movie than studying or writing a paper.)
The academy awards nominations went out yesterday, and where immediately shadowed by Heath Ledger's death, No Country For Old Men was tied for the most nominations with There Will Be Blood, another fine movie. What has gotten me frustrated about the nominations is the overlooking of the main character of the movie. Josh Brolin had the hardest job of the movie. There were moments where he had no dialogue and to express a fair amount of emotions without speaking. When the Golden Globes happened Javier Bardem and Tommy Lee Jones both were nominated for their performances, both great don't get wrong, but it's pissing me off that he is being overlooked. Then again he did have stiff competition. Daniel Day Lewis will more than likely take the Oscar for There Will Be Blood, then there was Johnny Depp in Sweeny Todd, George Clooney for Michael Clayton, Viggo Mortesen for Eastern Promises and Tommy Lee Jones for In the Valley of Elah...but no Josh Brolin.


Sidenote...Did anyone else see Grindhouse? Wasn't Josh Brolin awesome in Planet Terror?

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Rest Peacefully Heath

You know, it really sucks when anyone dies in their prime. Heath Ledger was found dead today in his apartment in Manhattan. I could care less about the circumstances at the moment; he had a such potential and had some much talent. He was nominated for an Oscar for his role in Brokeback Mountain, he had a powerful performance in Monster's Ball, and he is going to be the Joker in the Dark Knight (he had finished filming before his death.) What makes this situation so disappointing is he was only 28, whatever performances that he could have given in the future will never happen now.

It's sad really, because I really liked him for one good reason. He was not like these Hollywood celebrities who need you to know everything that is happening to them right then and there. He got my respect for his skillful performances and he didn't make waves. No matter what you believe, God or not, this goes to show that are lives are short. He lived his life, and I only hope that he finds peace in the next life.


[EDIT] Since I found out about Heath's passing all I could think about was one of my favorite movie quotes. Coincidently it comes from another talented, ill-fated actor James Dean:
"I never thought I'd live to see eighteen. Isn't that dumb? Every day, I look in the mirror and say, What? You still here? Man! Like even today. I woke up this morning, you know? And the sun was shining and everything was nice, and I thought this is going to be one terrific day, so you better live it up, boy because tomorrow maybe you'll be gone." ~ James Dean, Rebel Without a Cause

Sunday, January 20, 2008

My Weekend Crush

So I went out this weekend and saw Cloverfield. I will try my damnedest not to spoil it, but let me just say, holy shit. Anyone who thought they wouldn't get to see the monster, you would be mistaken. It might be one of the best monster movies since the original Godzilla...and thats the truth. My weekend crush for this week just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when the monster attacked New York. You may remember Lizzy Caplan from Freaks and Geeks or Smallville if your a big tv nerd like me. Most recently she was in the short lived sitcom The Class, a show that got canceled right at a very big wtfuck cliffhanger. If you sense a little latent hostility there, it's there...I quite enjoyed that show...anywho, you may also remember her from Mean Girls where she played the "alternative" girl Janis Ian...(Janis Ian Fink or Janis Joplin reference...I certainly think so.)

Sunday, January 13, 2008

My New Year's Crush and Weekend Crush

I've been enjoying my vacation and ignoring my blog...did you miss me? Now that I've moved back into my wreck of an apartment I'll give you my New Year's Crush and my crush for this soon to be passed weekend.


I got to watch quite a few movies during the holiday vacations. Monica Bellucci just so happened to appear in quite a few of them. I watched both Matrix sequels, then the Brothers' Grimm and Shoot 'Em Up...(good stuff) and she stole the scene with her raw sexuality. It was so hard to find pictures of her on the internet that weren't NSFW...suffice it to say that this woman is a looker. And in Shoot 'Em Up, she's a hooker.

I finally got a copy of Knocked Up and fell in love with Katherine Heigl again...enough said, looky looky.