It's been something that's been bothering me since I've joined this generation of Facebooks and myspaces. Give me one good reason for these stupid chain mail messages. Seriously, I got one that said if I didn't resend the message to ten of my friends someone would rape my dog. As soon as I saw that my gears came to a screeching halt. They want me to be an incredibly large douche and send other people annoying random shit, or they'll perform lewd acts of bestiality on my tiny maltese. Not that I don't fear tiny doggie rape, but I feel like that's a bit of an idle threat. It may be years before my time, but my dad told me about this cover of National Lampoon magazine and I had to include it in this rant. It's like the way porn used to be; they lull you into a false sense of security with a tame and enticing subject heading: Guess What or You won't believe this... It's really fucking annoying because as soon as you open the message you get this "blood curdling" message like SEND THIS TO SEVEN PEOPLE IN THE NEXT HOUR OR YOU WILL BE BARREN/IMPOTENT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!! No thanks, I would rather stick my finger in my bum, but thanks for the offer.
Patton Oswalt had a bit about porn emails with random subject headings that make you think it's genuine and then ASSHOLES WITH ARMS IN THEM!!! or ELBOW DEEP IN ASIAN TEEN!! This is the same thing, without the graphic, picture-painting language. I could go on, but I wouldn't want to hurt the feelings of one of my friends who may be reading this.