Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Beware: 2 Girls 1 Cup

Be afraid, be very afraid. If you've ever seen tubgirl or goatse then you'll understand my stern warning about This video contains some of the most vile content I won't even show it, or speak about it. What I a will do is give you an example of what some of the reactions were. Heed my stern warning DO NOT WATCH 2GIRLS1CUP or you'll reap the whirlwind. Well, I've warned you.

Compilation of 2 Girls 1 Cup Reactions - Watch more free videos

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Break the Code

Chinese Traveler's Guide: The Bathroom

Okay, this is bound to come up when you get to China...where's the toilet. Well I have some bad news. The toilets come in two varieties, small and squater. Now, I'm a big guy and the room I stayed in had a small round toilet. I couldn't shit and pee at the same time because my balls were on the toilet rim...disgusting, I know. Then there's the other variety. There are toilets, mainly for public areas that are simply a hole in the ground with a flushing device. It is the scariest thing.

Three Years ago when I was in Xi'An it became my responsibility to advise the other students on how to shit in one of these toilets...I shall now pass it off to you.
  • Remember how I said to bring your own toilet paper...this is the reason. Squater Toilets are for quick squating shits, get in-get out and that means you don't always have the luxury of using guessed it, the gruesome fact here is that many people wipe their shitty asscracks with one of their hands (normally not the dominant.)
  • When it comes to actually shitting remember two things: 1) Bend with the knees...If you were ever in Basketball, think back to your passing drills. Keep your knees bent and extend your arms for maximum balance. 2) If you know ahead of time that you may be having difficulties (ie you ate some spicy-as-fuck dumplings or something) I suggest taking your pants off when you squat.
Sadly I speak from experience when giving these tips. It's never good to be stuck in a shitty situation with shitty means for shitting. And, and one last bit of advice, don't where baggy don't want to shit into or onto your pants without realizing it. Maybe next time I'll explain how to and how not to go to the bathroom on a moving guessed it, squater toilets in motion...not fun.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Chinese Traveler's Guide - Protection

There are numerous things you will need to keep yourself safe while in China. Consider this a continuation of my Tips to Surviving in China. Let me explain...Condoms. Okay, so there was an incident in China between me and a local, which I now reflect upon. This encounter is outlined in an essay I wrote a while ago called The Half-past Eight Friend Changing Club and Red Sweater. In the essay I go into detail about some lurid goings-on at a bar with me, my best friend, some high school buddies and a woman in a red sweater... I'm a gentleman so I won't go into details, but*spoiler alert* Cameo's Word Up...awesome song to get a lap dance to. Anyways I've been to China four times now and I can say with large amounts of certainty that it's good to protect yourself (Don't be a fool, wrap you tool, and whatsoever.)

That being said...never...ever buy Jissbon condoms. JIZZ is in the name of them. I know it sound like a novelty gag, but they are real. They have to be the worst condoms ever...except maybe the Durex condoms they sell in Oxford, England. The idea of seeing a condom with sunglasses on a cover of condoms and thinking that they might be good to use is a foolhardy notion. I talked to a French guy when I was living in an apartment in Shenzhen and he alluded to an instance where he abruptly stopped because of a sudden surge of guessed it, the condom snapped...So, listen to your Uncle Suburb, "Be wise and buy America." That doesn't sound witty but it's short, sweet and keeps you safe. And if you forget, buy some in the airport. They have 7-11s in airports in Hong Kong.
Guess what I just found out, Durex is the manufacturer of Jissbon condoms. they have also deduced that Chinese people have on average 19.3 sexual partners. Damn, and they use Jissbon, no wonder their population is fucking astronomical...they have shotty craftsmanships when it comes to condom makers.
Also, many condom advertisement for the Chinese mention nothing about safe sex.

Butler Bulldogs: The Universe is Back to Normal

So I may have jumped the gun with the whole apocalypse angle last night. I say that because I now truly say that syncronicity happens. Basically Pike football's undefeated record threw the universe off balance, and with the help of my college's terrible football skills, harmony has been restored. Our football team is Div-IIA and we do okay until we get into our own conference play. We were 4-0 going into conference play and everyone was hyped...then we went on to lose 4 games. Pike went into this weekend 10-0 and with their win against Ben Davis they improved to 11-0 thus send the universe into catastrophic turmoil. Yesterday, during family weekend, Butler lost in our last home game of the season. Now that we have a losing record, that offsets the bewildering record my high school has. I'm sorry, but I have never been big on the school spirit idea. Even when I played Rugby in high school I was only in it for an outlet for aggression. That being said, I do feel that our team's sacrifice has pleased the football gods, but they require two more sacrifices this weekend.
Today it is up to the Colts & Washington Redskins to appease the gods...The football gods require a victory from both teams. Three consecutive seasons with 6 straight wins; and playing the Carolina Panthers today which the head of steam that they have had recently, they should have no problem improving to 7-0. Washington has a more daunting task ahead. They must beat the Patriots tonight, but I have faith in them, go your Native American magic (can't say Indian magic, that they confuse people or come off racist)...and if at all possible, scalp Tom Brady and serve up Bill Belichek's head on a pike.

Halloween Preparation

So I've figured out what I'm gonna be for Halloween. If the picture to the left does make it obvious...I'm gonna be an emo kid for Halloween. I'm already getting prepared, I've got eye liner and lots of black. I'm even debating some fake A Clockwork Orange eyelashes. I guess the question that is on the minds of alot of people is probably why....Well Halloween is supposed be a dramatic inversion of your character. So, me being black with long curly hair, I've decided to go for a look that is somewhat reserved for white people with greasy hair. It's gonna be hilarious...who knows, I may even wear a very emo wig. I will post the final product on Halloween. It's gonna be really funny because I'm going to classes dressed up, just to see if I can get a reaction out of people.

Pike Red Devils: The Seventh Sign?

Read the headline:
Pike 20, Ben Davis 12
Red Devils break Giants' 33-year spell
Defense shuts down Gray; Pike beats foe for 1st time since 1974

I think Pike has officially stepped into the Twilight Zone. This strange possible world where my high school is good at something besides football. I'm really quite frightened. What does that mean for the rest of the universe? Kucinich may become president, with his hot fucking valkyrie woman of a wife as his first lady. Fuck that, Stephen Colbert may become president...Bush may take the troops out of Iraq...HAHAHAHAHHA!!! (Sorry, I couldn't believe that one and I wrote it.) I think this is another sign of the apocalypse. Well, all we need now is for Pike to beat Franklin Central in the finals and the Red Devils will rise and take their place at the football throne. All that's left is for either a woman or black man to lead the free world and zombies to rise from the dead, and the world will cease to be.

Or, you know, maybe not.

Zombie Party!!!

Louis CK: If you like Dane Cook, you'll like Louis CK (because Dane Cook is a no-talent thief)

Dane Cook has become incredibly popular for his standup comedy routines; mostly for his surreal point of view. Wow that sounds really familiar...kinda like Louis CK. CK is a friend of Chris Rock, and co-writer of Pootie Tang and Head of State. He is known for his surreal style of comedy and a short-lived sit-com on HBO called Lucky Louie. People have started to notice a trend in Dane Cook's comedy. The above video explains it better than I can. The second video is Louis CK's response to the allegations.CK is such a nice guy about it and isn't being a big dick. But his last line is priceless in the second video. #$@! Dane Cook, he's a &$%#!

I also wanted to add this condensed video of one of Louis CK's routines which is also hilarious. Enjoy.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Patton Oswalt: A Nerd's Comedian

Here's an awkward moment for Daniel Radcliffe, or Harry Potter if you weren't sure, when he was on the Tonight Show. He was already freaking out because of all the crazy bitches that were screaming for his sack and Jay Leno tried his best to make him relaxed by his line of questions. It didn't help...Then the next guest was Patton Oswalt, one of the funniest comedians around. His brand of comedy is for people who watch entirely too much tv, movies and read comic books and science fiction novels. And what makes him so funny is he is this little napoleon bastard who makes up for his fat pudgy exterior by being very very edgy. If you thought some of the stuff that Sarah Silverman does was raw, look up some of the stuff that Patton Oswalt has done...I suggest his albums Werewolves and Lollipops or Feelin' Kinda Patton.

Wonder Woman: My Casting Choice

This is a bit of a joke from me, but seriously the casting of Wonder Woman has been such a long drawn-out battle that they should just pick someone. I say Olivia Munn. Of course there are better choices; some names have been thrown out there and they would be good choices, but after seeing this parody of the old Linda Carter Wonder Woman, I have to say I'm sold. You should check out G4's website for more funny videos...especially their Fantastic Four musical. G4 is known for reviewing video games and showing entertainment for video gamers.

Greatest Moments in Live Television: AotS

This hilarious moment from the 10/18 broadcast of G4's Attack of the Show reminds all of us who might one day be on live TV not to completely trust the teleprompter. Co-host Olivia Munn (HOOOOT!!!) flubs a line and Co-host Kevin Pereira makes sure she knows she's messed laughing his fucking ass off or LMAO for the computer illiterate out there. If you don't laugh at this... I don't know whats wrong with you. Enjoy!

Dennis Kucinich: A Nerd's Candidate

Okay, I have to make mention of Dennis Kucinich. He's running for president (duh, like you guys didn't know that.) Okay, that's enough...Have you seen his fucking wife? She a fucking valkyrie. She's so oddly attractive, not to mention the fact that she is a foot taller and like 30 years younger than him. And, she's his wife! It just seems odd. 

Oh look, Elizabeth Kucinich has a malignant growth attached to her hip. I'm hearing it's love at first sight...Christ Dennis, you are one of the luckiest fuckers alive. He's an inspiration to all of the nerdy and homely looking motherfuckers out there. You know what, I think he knows it too. Maybe thats why he's got that old-fucker smile on his face all the time.

Well apparently Glenn Beck doesn't get it either. One night on his telecast he speculated that Kucinich used 'date-rape' drugs to snag his 8-foot tall giantess. Here's a sample from the exchange:

BECK: OK, so I guess we did, you know, make that -- [unintelligible] sees the tongue ring. You see the tongue ring and, and then you're starting to think of things with Dennis, and I don't want to go there.

STU: I don't think you're the only one there, Glenn, but I, you know --

BECK: Dan, show me the picture of her again.

ANDROS: This is her right?

STU: She is very tall compared to Dennis.

BECK: No, Dan just said in my, in my ear, isn't she about eight feet tall? No, she's not about eight feet tall. He's two feet tall. He's Gollum. You take his shirt off and put him in a loincloth, and he's Gollum.

Okay here's something to know about me. I am not registered to vote for two reasons. I personally feel that my vote does not matter, and I also am so politically apathetic that I do not feel the need to. I remain politically unaffiliated...I like being a centrist. Oh, get in there, Gollum...

Chinese Traveler's Guide - Tài Shān (泰山)

On my most recent trip to China, I had the privilege (if you could call it that) to climb a goddamned mountain. Tài Shān is one of the Five Sacred Mountains of Taoism. It must be badass to see, I wouldn't know, I started climbing it around 11pm. The thought-process of the tour guides was to have us take 4 hours to climb half way up the mountain and then rest, then take 4 more hours to climb to the top to watch the sunrise. I never made it to the top. I'm not a a matter of fact I made it to the half way knees just kinda said to me...
"Wait...this isn't the top? Fuck this noise man...If you want to make it to the top you're gonna do it without our help."
So my legs gave out, and I felt as if my diabetic heart was going to give out too...which has never happened before; not to gloat, but I have climbed the Great Wall three times...and that is one of the most fucked up experiences I have every dealt with. Flocks of tourists and awkward and uneven steps work against you as climb as steep as 60 degree inclines.

Here are some tips to climbing the mountain:
  1. Bring lots of energy restoring food and fluids.
  2. Eat a hearty meal...fuck Chinese KFCs they will only slow yu down.
  3. Stretch...for at least an hour, you are going to be walking up over 1500 steps.
  4. Note that the sun doesn't always rise in clear sky; the rest of the students who continued on told me that it was so cloudy and hazy that the sunrise was no where near as awe inspiring as the tour guides said it would be.
  5. If a tour guide asks if you want to go see the birthplace of Confucius, Qufu, after climbing down the mountain because it's only about 45 minutes away, say fuck you or no about 25 times. It just means many queues and more historical shit that looks like other historical shit you've already seen elsewhere. That sounds really mean and ignorant...but you have to understand, when it hurts to stand and all you do is stand and listen to tour guides talk in butchered English for about an hour it becomes goddamned infuriating.

Biggest Badasses Alive: Jake Brown

For my next installment of Biggest Badasses Alive I picked Jake Brown. You may remember seeing this on the news, Jake Brown was skating Big Air at X-Games XIII when his board went out from under him 30+ feet up in the air. He survived with only minor say the least; he even tried to get up and walk under his own power. I have here two videos, the first is the fall and the second is a telephone interview between him and X-Games Host Sal Masekela. I picked him because I saw a commercial for E-60 featuring a doctor talking about Jake Brown and how survivors of falls from that height usually shorten their lifespan. But hey, he's still one of the biggest badasses alive.

Return of the British Invasion

So I have been noticing a trend as of late with an influx of British talent to American shores. Example, Hugh Laurie on House M.D. is a brit. He was a part of Black Adder on BBC with people like Stephen Fry and Rowan Atkinson. Now he's an American diagnostician and multi-time Emmy nominee. Then, there's Michelle Ryan, the new, Bionic Woman. This is the most ironic, she was on Jekyll on the BBC only a couple months ago, and now is an American with super-abilities. In the most recent episode she was undercover, as a British college student...and a very convincing one at that. Damian Lewis plays Detective Charlie Crews on Life and before that he was on Band of Brothers...he too is a brit playing an American.
That's just television, in music we have the return of the British Invasion of the 60's. Artists like the fugly Amy Winehouse, Coldplay, My favorite band Bloc Party, Gorillaz, Muse and Imogen Heap are all from the land of the Union Jack.

And then there's what I call the British Uprising. This is basically an outsourcing of American actors taking roles as British characters. Most recently we have a horrible movie, Caffeine, where Americans played British coffee shop goers and workers. Some of the sucked something awful...One being Katherine Heigl. Then we've got TV. James Marsters and Alexis Denisof played British males in the Buffyverse. I guess people should try to do challenging roles, but it's like the illegal immigration issue. They take the jobs that others could possibly do.

My Weekend Crush

Ok, I got inspired by Dorothy Surrenders, so I appropriated this idea from her blog, except, I'm a straight male, and she isn't. So the woman I picked for my inaugural edition is Sarah Shahi.

Here are some really interesting things to know about her..She's a former Dallas Cowboy cheerleader...awesome. She has a great look and figure, being of Iranian decent. She was featured in a short-lived sit-com called Teachers (Americans attempting to repeat the success of naturally amusing British television.) She also was and possibly still is a recurring character on The L Word. Jesus, I'm surprised my lesbian muse hasn't used her yet (nothing like a little girl on girl action...I always say that, no not really.) She is currently cast on the new NBC series Life. So see Exhibits A & B. A is her, scantly clad in lingerie and quite obviously airbrushed; while B is her in detective's wears. You should check her out on the show...perfect balance to the lead, hot and hilariously sarcastic. She can arrest me anytime.

Friday, October 26, 2007

My High School, from Football Follies to No. 1

I don't know how or when it happened, but I distinctly remember my high school football team being one of the shittiest in the county. I come to find out that they are Undefeated (10-0) and playing Ben Davis (8-2) tonight. When the fuck did this happen. The four years I went there we had losing records. 2003 and 2004 they had a record of 2 wins and 8 loses, the year I graduated they improved to 4 wins and 6 loses.
We are known for being one of the best high school basketball teams in the nation (we are one of the most ghetto high school in the city,) and as far as football went we were fanny bandits. That's no joke, it was as if our players politely turned around and lifted their skirts; this allowed the opposing team to ram the football deep into our team's asses, with no lubrication. What's prison rape with no lube, it's just sad is what it is...not even any grape jelly, it's a goddamned shame.
Oh, and did I mention that Ben Davis has a record of 16 - 0 against Pike, going back to 1976? Maybe this year, we'll put up a decent fight before they knock out teeth out, making the ball go down smoother.

(EDIT) Pike beat Ben Davis last night and are now 11-0. They play Franklin Central in the final next week. I have to say, WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

I will try to explain it without the rough and graphic picture painting description. Have you ever seen Three Little Pigskins? It was a Three Stooges short where Moe, Larry, and Curly play football. Well, here it is courtesy of Youtube; maybe seeing this give you and idea what my high school football team was like. (Random Three Stooges Fact: Lucille Ball from I Love Lucy is in this.)

Another Awkward Moment

I have been really hesitant to mention this for about a month, but I say fuck it I'll tell it. Here's another one of PATRICK BARKER's AWKWARD MOMENTS. [Applause] This happened on the road. So I was about twenty minutes away from my parents house and got the sudden urge to fart. Now, I'm quick sure you can imagine what comes next. Lots of swears fly as I try my best to stay on the road, and keep it all in my pants (this required a fair amount of gluteous maximus strength; don't want to shart on yourself when you're driving...I always say that.)
One thing I must mention before I delve further into this possible need for therapy, I was in a very dodgy part of town, and it was past midnight. This has all the makings for a terrible horror flick - Guy gets out of the car for an emergency shotgun shit and gets decapitated by crazy knife wielding psychopath, this was not good. Luckly (or not however you envision this) I found an abandoned school by the interstate...I was looking for a burger joint and couldn't find one. This area was terribly lit and I found a place to squat and run. I know, it's awful, but hey, I defy anyone to not think of a time when they had an emergency that required them t0 keep there wits about them. I will go as far as to say that I bet even the hot girls I know have had occasions of awful liquid shits.

Speaking of Awkward Moments, Random Acts has another installment in the series of REALLY AWKWARD MOMENTS , enjoy. And, just in time for Halloween, I've also included another video of REALLY AWKWARD MOMENTS

Thursday, October 25, 2007

What happens when you are sick and bored

I was muy muy fatigued around 1:20 this afternoon and felt that I couldn't make it through my last class (75 minutes)and decided to return to my apartment. I am currently dealing with a terrible cold which is the result of going home to see my parents. My parent's house was like a petri dish of germs and I swear I picked this up there. So on doctor's orders I snuggled up in my warm bed, with some fluids at arm's reach and watched a little Top Gear...That lasted for an hour...this was the afternoon, I got so bored.
  1. I decided to surf the web. I found a wonderful gem hidden in the multiple popup adult friend finder advertisements. I found another blog called Dorothy Surrenders. Quite possibly one of the funniest things I've ever seen on the web. First thing you see is a post all about Jessica Biel and the possibility of her being a gay...not my language...She writes for lesbians from a lesbian perspective. The picture is funny too; Jessica Biel with a girl grabbing her ass, while Justin Timberlake isn't paying attention...priceless.
    Oh, and she has a link to Whedonesque...I'm in love, 'Chasing Amy'-style. For those who don't know Joss Whedon is a god, he wrote and created Buffy, Angel and Firefly. He also has been writing for comic books like Astonishing X-Men, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 8, Fray, and most recently (if you consider the fact that the release of the last two issue was around 3 months apart) he's been writing an arc of The Runaways, brain-child of another god Brian K. Vaughn.
  2. In addition to loads of websurfing for entertaining blogs I caught up on my comic book reading. I just mentioned I'm a big fan of Brian K. Vaughn, I have been an avid fan of his work Y: The Last Man. It's a sixty book story that has been going since 2002. It's the story of Yorick Brown, son of a Presidential cabinet member, he's an amateur escape artist with a Capuchin Monkey named Ampersand. They are the last surviving male mammals on earth and Yorick has spent the last 5 years trying to find his girlfriend Beth who was in Australia when every male died. It's been...pretty interesting to say the least and with only two issues till the end It is going to start stressing me out. A very important character just died in the most recent issue, and it will definitely have repercussions heading into the finale. Also, Brian K. Vaughn is on the staff of LOST, which is just fucking glorious.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

cky The whole F@#*ng Show

For those of you unaware, this is cky. cky is produced by Bam Margera, and is also the name of his older brother's band. This video is an overview of the four tapes that they made. They look really young and wet behind the ears. This was way before these boys were on Jackass...I have to say this stuff is the funniest of all of those series. Enjoy. OH, if you enjoy this, you should around for the movie Haggard. It was a self-produced movie with all of the cky guys. It is basically a movie version of cky bits, it's got the production value of 1990's prono. It's still funny regardless of production value.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Save_Us.x29 / Upon Us

A fifth vid3o promo...

Some Say... The Stig, Top Gear's Tame Racing Driver

Some Say That...

He drinks a lot of petrol. He was born in space. He never blinks. He roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. He sleeps upside down like a bat. His sweat can be used to clean precious metals. His skin has the texture of dolphins. If you tune your radio to 88.4 FM you can actually hear his thoughts. He does not see like humans do, instead he sees numbers in green scrolling down. He is scared of bells. He once punched a horse to the ground. His politics are terrifying. He lives in a tree. He likes DragonBoarder. He was raised by wolves. He appears on high-value stamps in Sweden. His favourite philosopher is Immanuel Kant. He has no understanding of clouds. His earwax tastes like Turkish Delight. He is confused by stairs.

He naturally faces magnetic north. He is illegal in 17 U.S. states. His heart ticks like a watch. All his legs are hydraulic. He can "accumbularate". He appears on Japanese banknotes. There's an airport in Russia named after him. He is wanted by the CIA. His breath smells of magnesium. He can catch fish with his tongue. His tears are adhesive. If set alight, he'd burn for a thousand days. He is terrified of ducks. His voice can only be heard by cats. He has two sets of knees. He can swim seven lengths underwater. He has webbed buttocks. He can melt concrete on contact. He is more machine than man. His heart is in upside down. His teeth glow in the dark. His favorite food is raw meat. He has no age. He urinates 98 RON petrol. He can smell corners. He has acid for blood. Jimmy Carter wants him dead. He has a bionic arm. He has a tattoo of Buzz Aldrin on his thigh. He is stumped by clouds. He has no fear. His ears aren't exactly where you would expect them to be. He once, "preposterously", had an affair with John Prescott.

He has a digital face. If he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar. He has named every single blade of gra** surrounding the Top Gear test track. His genitals are on upside down. If he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds. His ears have a paisley lining. He is banned from the Chelsea Flower Show. The outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nurburgring. If given an important job to do, he'll skive off and play croquet. He invented Branston Pickle. If you insult his mother, he will headbutt you in the chest. On really warm days he sheds his skin, like a snake. For some reason he's allergic to the Dutch. His first name really is "The". If he went on Celebrity Love Island, they'd all be pregnant - including the cameramen. He once threw a microwave oven at a tramp.
Long before anyone else, he realized that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs. He once had a vicious knife fight with Anthea Turner. He was in no way implicated in the cash for honours scandal. If you lick his chest it tastes exactly the same as picalilli. At this week's Brit Awards, he was arrested for goosing Russell Brand. He sucks the moisture from ducks. His crash helmet is modeled after Britney Spears' head. He isn't machine washable. All his potted plants are called Steve. His scrotum has its own small gravity field. Because our producer rigged a phone vote, he now has a new name. All we know is he's called Cuddles. He’s banned from the town of Chichester. In a recent late-night deal he bought a slightly dented, white Fiat Uno from the Duke of Edinburgh.

All we know is....he's called The Stig.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Real Time with Bill Maher and the "9/11 Truth" Douche Bags

(This is from the news article from the associated press)

LOS ANGELES - Bill Maher can add "security guard" to his job description alongside comedian and political commentator. Maher on Friday night helped security remove a rowdy protester from the studio during his weekly HBO show "Real Time with Bill Maher," and it was all captured on live television. Maher was talking science during one of his weekly panel discussions when a protester in his audience stood up, held up a smuggled-in sign reading "9/11 is a cover up fraud" and shouted comments to the same effect.

As politically apathetic as I am, I have to say these kinds of people piss me off just as much as they do to Bill Maher. If you don't know about the whole WTC building 7 conspiracy is the wiki site.

The basis being that the WTC collapse was a controlled's wingnut bullshit if you ask me.

*Spoiler Alert* Dumbledore's Gay

Don't believe me? Here's the news article that proves it.

If the 9/11 douches wasn't news enough, J.K. Rowling announced on Friday that Albus Dumbledore is in fact a homosexual. Here I always thought that Nevile Longbottom was a little light in the loafers.

Here's an excerpt...

She was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds "true love."

"Dumbledore is gay," the author responded to gasps and applause.

She then explained that Dumbledore was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards. "Falling in love can blind us to an extent," Rowling said of Dumbledore's feelings, adding that Dumbledore was "horribly, terribly let down."

Dumbledore's love, she observed, was his "great tragedy."

"Oh, my god," Rowling concluded with a laugh, "the fan fiction."

Saturday, October 20, 2007

2007 Rugby World Cup Final

I'm a big Rugby fan, I used to play back in high school. This fall has been the Rugby World Cup. In France, the South Africa Springboks claimed the world cup after beating the powerhouse England team.
Rugby is one of the oldest gentleman's sports and the USA Rugby team was just hasn't gotten the concept yet. They suck. They played for games, and got ass-raped four times.
My high-school used to be a rugby player in high-school. The Pike Red Devil team used to strike fear in the hearts of whiteboys from all around the state. Now they are non-existent and Pike's football team is undefeated....WTFUCK!?!?

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Top Gear Caravan Holiday

Since I mentioned Top Gear's Richard Hammond, I felt I should post something else from Top Gear. This is a segment in three parts, about going on a camping trip. Nothing should go wrong, they're professionals....

The Pisces Man

Here is a quick excerpt from my horoscope. I got it from a geosite. i think it's so spot on it's rather scary.

He is very emotional and always allows himself to be very emotional. He can have a good nights' sleep and be in a good mood, and less than few hours at work he can be very moody. He does not understand things or try to understand things easily. If you observe him carefully, you will notice what kind of mood he is in. He is a thinker and able to do well at work and always succeed. His normal gestures mean he always look at other people faults, but he will not talk about it. He has the ability to know your thought and able to tell you what you are thinking about.

Biggest Badasses Alive: Richard Hammond

Another badass is Richard Hammond. Back in September 2006 Richard Hammond, one of the hosts of Top Gear, attempted to break the UK land speed record in a car. The car has a jet engine on the back, with an afterburner. He breaks the record, but in order for it to count he would have to complete it the opposite direction with an averaged score. He ended up with the record for fastest car crash in the UK, one that left him in a coma and with brain damage. He snapped back and is back on the show. He's bad ass for driving a car up to 314 mph, and crashing the same car at 280 mph. He's even more bad ass for surviving the crash, a crash that would have killed anyone a few inches taller.

Biggest Badasses Alive: Gordon Ramsey

I felt like doing an on-going blog, until now they've all been completely random. This is the first Biggest Badasses Alive. Gordon Ramsey has opened 12 restaurants around the world. He has ran at least 7 full marathons. What makes him so bad ass is he is a pervasive swearer. He is one of the nicest guys around, but when someone does something stupid or lies to him, he becomes a fucking bulldog. He could make prison inmate feel like hanging themselves. Here are a few clips of him in action; one is from the british car show Top Gear, and the other is from his series on FOX here in the states Kitchen Nightmares.

Random Action Episode 4

Ewwyz posted the latest video from Random Acts. It's part of an on-going series called Random Action. Enjoy...and go to Random Act's Youtube Page to get caught up.

Desert Island All-time Top 5 Indie Movies

  1. Igby Goes Down
  2. Little Miss Sunshine
  3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  4. Clerks
  5. Leon: The Professional
Honorable Mentions
  1. The Way of the Gun
  2. Stranger Than Fiction
  3. Lost in Translation
  4. Hero
  5. Super Troopers

Albums that Changed my Life

Honorable Mentions

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Colbert for President?

"I shall seek the office of the president of the United States," Colbert said Tuesday on his Comedy Central show as red, white and blue balloons fell around him. (Hyperlinked from the associated press new story)

Stephen Colbert is announcing that he is running for president. He will run in South Carolina and South Carolina alone. I think it is hilarious, but when I think about it, both Colbert and Jon Stewart are very intelligent. They have to be I guess, because to take such a spin on the news requires a fair amount of intelligence.

Sinestro War (Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps)

Oh my god, for all comic book fans...Have you been reading Green Lantern recently. If not, you are really missing out on something glorious. Geoff Johns (writer of Infinite Crisis, All New Booster Gold, Ion: Guardian of the Universe and Green Lantern: Rebirth) has delivered what can only be described as a masterpiece. Sinestro returns with a cadre of the biggest evil in DC. We've got a new host for Parallax in Kyle Rayner, Hank Henshaw or Cyborg Superman, the Antimonitor and the recently freed Superboy-Prime, now the captains of Sinestro's army bent on destroying the Green Lanterns.

I won't spoil anything more, here are some pictures.

Oh I just have to ask, What are the Alpha Lanterns?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Random Acts

A couple of the guys who live in my apartment are in the Butler online sketch troupe Random Acts. My friend Ewzzy has started posting the new stuff on youtube. They also have a blogspot page. You guys should check them out, a new one comes out every week.

Pat Barker Live

So I found this comedian on youtube named Pat Barker. Assclown stole my thunder, I've always wanted to be a comedian. I also found this guy, Patrick Barker who's written a book. Another jaggens who has already done something I want to achieve in my life. I really wish I hadn't looked up my name. Damn you internet.


Here is the fourth save us video...Return of Jericho....will just have to wait and see.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Heartbreak Kid

I've gotten back into watching wrestling after Heroes on Mondays...seriously it is some funny shit. You may so "oh it's fake," so what, you probably watch it on the low without letting your friends know. Here's a video from last Monday's Raw telecast where HBK, the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michael made his return after a serious concussion and back injury.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Sonic in Super Smash Bros. Brawl

Here is a video announcement that Sonic will be a playable character in Smash Bros. for the Wii. This is great. Nintendo won the war with Sega, and now they are Sega's daddy. Its gonna be awesome when this comes out.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Savior Self/Revelations 22:12

Well here's another video...a "mysterious" and "cryptic" set of computer code. With HBK's return tonight and a third message released tonight...I think it's safe to say that it's Chris Jericho...look at the words, Savior Self...Save yourself...oh I can't wait.
This is the third video, This one features two new things, Rev 22:12 and 2nd coming...hmm. Here is what follows Revelations 22:12: I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last. Also, here is verse 1 right before Numbers 22:2: Then the Israelites traveled to the plains of Moab and camped along the Jordan across from Jericho. I think that's a big enough clue.

Thursday, October 4, 2007


I haven't really been following wrestling, but I've been getting rumors of the return of my favorite wrestler, Y2J, Chris Jericho...If it's true, this will certainly get me watching again. I stopped watching when he decided to go inactive, I guess I understand though; 300 days a year traveling...who wouldn't want to stay at home and nap? When Jericho arrived in the WWf in 99 he declared that he had come to SAVE the WWF. It's safe to say the WWE needs saving with all of it's current issues, and it needs it's superstars.

No World For Tomorrow

Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume Two: No World for Tomorrow is coming to stores soon, This is the conclusion of part IV The Amory Wars by Coheed and Cambria (part one being Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One: From Fear Through The Eyes of Madness). The album is the fourth album by Coheed and Cambria and their next album will be the beginning of The Amory Wars...if you're confused don't worry...They are doing their story Quentin Tarantino style. Heres the album cover, it's out on October 23rd...can't wait.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

New Comic Dilemma

So with the announcement of a Justice League live-action movie there have been rumors swirling about who'd play of favorite superheroes. Sadly some of the names don't make me salivate with anticipation. The main issue I have is the current announcement that Tyrese gibson is in to play the Green Lantern. I for one am extremely disappointed. Tyrese isn't bad, but it makes me disappoint at the possible direction of the film. I understand the idea of gender and racial equality, because many comic book characters are white; but, I just think John Stewart Green Lantern is boring. There is so much potential for character development if they went with the BEST GREEN LANTERN EVER, Hal Jordan. He becomes evil and uses his near omnipotent power to set the Space-Time continuum to zero bad ass is that? What does John Stewart do...get paralyzed...Woo!!

Plus look at the two of them...who looks more bad ass?

1) John Stewart

2) Hal Jordan

More Awkward Moments Update

So I hope you remember my really awkward moment in Visarts, if not, here it is again

So I was doing a collage project in my Visual Arts class yesterday (I was having a 'Vietnam' style flashback to kindergarten - I'm quite sure Paint it Black was playing) And while it was all very fun, I caught myself in another PATRICK BARKER's REALLY AWKWARD MOMENT!!!

So there is this girl who is a ballet dancer, a senior by the way, and like the other girl...SHE KNOWS MY NAME AND I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT HER'S IS!!!! I really need to clean out my ears; it's really a fucking drag.

Well, I found out her name a few days ago, it's to make sure I don't overuse it.